I realize it’s been quite some time since I have written about any of my dating escapades. There hasn’t really been a particular reason for this, other than the fact that I guess I haven’t been going on as many dates!?!? I’ve long since given up on all of my online dating apparati. (Apparently the “correct” plural of apparatus is either ‘apparatuses’ or ‘two pieces of apparatus’……I personally think apparati sounds better so that’s what I’m gonna go with!) I believe this is the first blog about a guy I actually had a long relationship with. Of course, long is a relative term, but since all the relationships you’ve read about how been flings or short lived, I’ll consider this to be long.
Ahhh college, it’s a great time. However, it’s also a time where you might make some questionable life choices. I will be the first to admit that college me made some truly questionable choices. Probably one of the most questionable……was ADD 3. I refuse to look back on experiences with regret, because they have brought me to the life I live now. Despite all my “middle class white girl struggles”, I really am loving my life right meow!! Honestly though, if I knew that I would end up in exactly the same place I am now if I could just delete those two years from my life….I would. I’m struggling with how to write this, because it could be quite long, but also because the majority of it was not good or healthy in any way. I’m going to try and provide just enough background that you can grasp the situation I put myself in, and then I’ll try and just focus on the positive things I learned.
Graduating college on the heels of an economic recession isn’t great. You’ve put in tons of time, money, and energy, and done all the things you’d always been told you were supposed to do to be successful. The ending result of all this time and money was that I was unable to find a job, despite all my best effort and hours of filling out seemingly identical applications. I was firmly committed to the belief that moving home would be an admittance of defeat, so I did the next best thing I could think of….I moved in with ADD 3. I knew the sort of jobs that were awaiting me back home…..essentially nothing. I wasn’t willing to admit that sort of defeat, so against the wishes of my family….and probably my friends….I soldiered on with my plan.
After about a week, I didn’t want to be there!! I had already known that ADD 3 had a rather substantial collection of tubs in his basement. One of the perks of dating a guy with a house in college was that I got to do laundry for free….in the basement…..with the tubs. Being the nice, unemployed, “housewife” that I was, I thought I would organize the basement!! Most where garbage……random things….some of his old Army stuff…..and then I found them, TUBS FULL OF VERY NSFW THINGS!!!!!!!!
Somehow, I let him convince me that it would be ok to stay, that we would work it out, and everything would be fine. I think part of me gave in to him because I felt like I had worked so hard and upset so many people by moving in with him in the first place that once again….I was unwilling to accept the defeat that would have been moving out. Something about college me was apparently really into winning at this point….
I eventually got a job where I traveled frequently, so I was around less to put up with his crazy. Yes….he was crazy. Granted, I only know ADD 3 as a PTSD suffering Army veteran. I have no idea who he was or what he was like before he served our country and saw the things he saw. In that sense, I have only the greatest amount of respect for him, his family, and the sacrifices they made. He discovered that he could win any argument by playing the “Army Card”. Honestly, there was never anything I could say or do other than sit there and take whatever random insult he had to throw my way because I could never bring myself to say anything back when he’d play the Army card. You have to remember…..I was younger and stupider then……I’ve grown up a lot….he’s partly to thank.
This basically continued for a year, until he decided to move to Florida….and I was so relieved. I packed up all my stuff, and we drove it to my Dad’s house in Sturgis and honestly….I was happy! I was happy he was moving away, and I was happy that I felt like I had finally found an out. I really thought everything was going to change for me. It did…..but at the same time, it didn’t. I saw him twice more after that moving day in August…..once when he flew to Minneapolis for my birthday that December, and once in the Spring. I….the girl who was so ready to let go of the relationship, just let him continue to have one with me. I didn’t really encourage it, but I didn’t stop it either. I suppose that’s partly to do with being young, and partly because those who are in bad relationships always seem to have a really hard time getting out of them.
Ok….enough of this seeming like a pity party for me….that’s not at all what I want. Again, I don’t regret it. I survived, I’m stronger, and I’m the person I am today because he taught me I didn’t want to be the person he thought I was….AKA a spoiled rotten, Tinker Bell obsessed princess who would never survive on her own because I knew nothing about life. He had a few positive impacts on my life, and that’s were we will end this….the good things.
- My relationship with ADD 3 taught me that if you set aside your pride, your family and friends will always be there to support you…..no matter why you think you don’t deserve it
- He bought me my glorious pupperoni Scout, who has been with me through everything for the past 5 years
- He introduced me to my fabulous hair stylist who I still drive 6 hours to see
- He taught me how to play poker…..kinda
- When I’m told I can’t do something or I’m not worthy of something, it just pushes me to prove them wrong. So……I guess I should thank him for my new car, paying my own bills, and everything else he ever told me I couldn’t do
- He introduced me to Korean food…..which is delicious
- Spicy hot ramen is now a favorite lunch food for one of my UBS girls because of him