I’m not sure why, but lately I’ve been feeling very squishy and down on myself. Usually, I’m pretty confident about myself and the work I put into looking and feeling the way I do. One of my first posts ever was about appreciating the body I have!! UGH…. Lately though, I’m not sure if I’m regressing, or just not making the gains in strength I feel like I should……but I’m feeling super blob-tastic.
I almost feel like I had a better relationship with my body and the way I looked BEFORE I started working out and focusing on cleaning up my diet and lifestyle. I used to be really proud of my “non thigh gap” thighs and my cute “I used to be a ballerina” butt. These ads used to make me feel like it was ok not to be stick thin, but lately they just haven’t had the same effect.
….now I just feel like the time and effort is all for nothing.
I have never….ever……in my whole life……at my squishiest…..had any qualms about jumping into a bikini and chilling by the pool or on the beach. Now, with a vacation scheduled with the Main Squeeze in July, I suddenly feel like I need to eat carrot sticks, celery, and water until we leave. It’s all totally ridiculous, and I know that. I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m not looking my best. Also, the more I think about these things, plan meals, schedule workouts, and generally bust ass trying to get my ass rounder, my stomach flatter, and my arms buffer……the worse I feel!
I ordered a new swim suit for the vaca, and it was just a total let down. Probably due to the fact that bikinis look much better with a tan….which the SoDak winter doesn’t really allow anyone to have. Also, I had been feeling like I was looking really good, until I realized that my butt doesn’t look like an Angel’s butt. I felt like I had been living with delusions of skinniness, and they all came crashing down. In my brain I was quite sure that my butt looked just like theirs, until I turned around and saw it in the mirror.
So, this is my new plan. I’m going to chalk my March mind set up to a late onset case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, and start fresh in April! I’m gonna focus more on making myself feel better, and get back to being confident in myself. Being me is pretty awesome. Look at all the things my body has and will continue do for me!!
I can make my body do all sorts of things that some people only wish they could do. I need to learn to be more grateful for my body….which includes it’s flaws.
When all else fails, sometimes it’s nice to look back at old pics. It’s nice to see how far you’ve come. I find it especially helpful, because it reminds me that I’ve always been comfortable and confident in my own skin, and nothing, not even being pasty white in a bikini, should change that.
To start April off on a good note, I got to spend the weekend with my Main Squeeze, some bull riding, and homemade pizza night. Ringing in the month with dinner with Momma and the Squeeze and a couple PBRs guilt free felt like a really good start to getting back to my old self!