Princess Scatterbrain

Once again…..I tried all week to get a blog written.  It didn’t really come together the way I wanted it to.  I just felt 800% scatter brained all week.  Couldn’t focus, everything seemed wrong and crappy……..idk it was just strange.


I didn’t really clean anything….I worked out, but the rest is all true!

What I did have this week were random thoughts.  So, I thought I would just compile a small sampling of what goes on in the wonderfully crazy mind of MisHappenings.  The thoughts will be accompanied by funny pictures….because I needed some smiles this week.

Why doesn’t TJ Maxx have any decent shoes in my size ever anymore?!


This could be me, but they don’t have my size!

Is $200 too much for a cleanse?!  Can I even survive a 9 day, pre-vacation cleanse!?


A for effort I suppose


How many seasons of RuPaul’s Drag Race are there?!  BRING ON THE QUEENS!




Why is her cheating husband in my office!?!?  This is awkward……where is my escape route!?!? HALP ME!


If someone would like to buy me this mug that would be great!


Is it important that one’s belly button ring matches one’s bikini?!  Also, is it weird if I lay in my backyard where everyone can see me to tan?  Will someone yell at me for this…..fuck it I need a tan!

I need to expand and refresh my wardrobe….but I think I’m going to do it without spending more than $40 on any particular item.


When you think you’ve kept track of you shopping…..and then you get the credit card bill.




Being told to buy something “fun” with my bonus…..BILLS CRAZY WOMEN IT’S GOING TO BILLS CUZ YOU DON’T PAY ME ENOUGH!!!!!!


Real Life + Best Halloween Movie = TRUTHINESS


Is my winter time makeup to white now?!  Am I tan enough for my summer time shade?!  Can I ghetto a face together until I get tanner?!  WHY DOES MY NECK NEVER, EVER TAN!?


Probably can’t avoid a Sephora run for long…..but who would want to avoid that anyway!?


Maternity leave needs to end ASAP because I can’t handle this shit alone!




Chapter 5: The Dare

Every once in awhile……you do something sorta stupid.  This tale of stupidity, otherwise known as My Life with the Vinyl Enthusiast, starts with a semi drunk dare in a bar.

The Background:

My people and I were out celebrating the bestie’s hubby’s birthday one night a few months ago, and she dared me to do something I stupidly suggested.  (The actual phrasing of the dare is a bit non-politically correct, and I don’t need this to be that kinda blog, so I shall rephrase slightly.)  The bestie basically dared me that I wouldn’t go up and ask a decently attractive dude, “Hey! Do you wanna dance and fight chics with me?!?!”  So….I did…..cuz it seemed like a reasonably good idea at the time.  And…. it was a reasonably good idea on how to spend a semi tipsy night at the bar! (The bestie still owes me a prize for performing the dare…..!!)

The Research:

The downfall of this came a several months later.  So, the Vinyl Enthusiast invites me out on a date.  By the time of the date, the bestie and I, in the course of our stalking discovered that he was divorced with kids……which is ya know……not on the list!  We had also discovered the reason for his nickname to which my intial thought was, “OF COURSE HE’S A VINYL ENTHUSIAST”  In a show of being open minded, and therefore more adult, I decided to go on this date.

High Fidelity.....great movie, and it becomes slightly amusing when you're life becomes dating a real like John Cusack!

High Fidelity…..great movie, and it becomes slightly amusing when you’re life becomes dating a real life John Cusack….I’m not kidding he sorta looks like John Cusack……but he’s got better hair!  The Enthusiast’s life could be this movie!

So, the first date was fine.  The second date also seemed alright……until I asked the apparently dreaded, “How old are you?” See bestie and I realized that he was older than us, which again is….fine….to a point, we just didn’t know how old.  Guys are tricky in that they have a strange ability to look much younger than they actually are.

I have a friend who knows the Enthusiast socially, and she claimed that he was “like maybe 38”.  That seemed ok….I could have rolled with that I guess.  It really did seem okay until I discovered that HE’S 41!!!!!  Luckily, I was somewhat wine tipsy when he broke the news, so I think I managed to stifle the shock and awe face fairly well…..although maybe I didn’t…..the jury is out on this.

The Results

Now……no need to panic, I’ve done that for you!  I’ve also compiled a list of reason why it might, at first glance, seem okay to date a 41 year old.

  • He owns a home and has a job!
  • He owns a super sexy, old school, muscle car.
  • You can carry on intelligent conversations.
  • He possess good dating skills….like manners, an ability to dance, and if he invites you over for dinner he’ll buy you flowers.
  • You generally live life what a motto similar to “Hold my beer, and watch this!”  What’s the worst that could happen!?
I mean I'm not a huge fan of red cars, but..... when this rolls up in your driveway, a girl stops and takes notice!

I mean I’m not a huge fan of red cars, but….. when this rolls up in your driveway, a girl stops and takes notice!

Those all seem like legitimate reasons to give something a chance… under bestie’s advice, and in defiance to my mother’s looks of cautious disapproval….I gave it a chance……and this is what I discovered.

  • There’s really nothing wrong with the fact that he has a house and a job……
  • His muscle car was a teenager when I was born…..more to the point……HE WAS A TEENAGER WHEN I WAS BORN!  This won’t always be apparent, but you have to stifle the urge to tell him not to parent you… can’t end well.
  • You maybe be able to have conversations, but they will be few and far between because he has parental responsibilities.  Even being a divorced, part time parent takes up a huge amount of time….I had no idea really.  Also, after a certain amount of time, one should ask about the wee tottlets, even if one has no desire to know much about them.  That’s just polite after all!  If you don’t ask, they will just volunteer info anyway….it’s a lost cause.
  • His good dating skills and manners will cause him to have existential crises about that status of your relationship.  This can be confusing to a twenty something who was pretty sure that “going on dates” didn’t qualify one for:
    • Meeting the children
    • Titling the relationship
    • Having generally any sort of concern about the “state of the relationship”
    • Expecting any sort of scheduled time commitments from the other person

The Conclusion:

Now, I’m clearly not a dating expert, and I believe that if you’re dating the same kinds of people all the time, you’ll probably get the same results.  Didn’t Einstein say something along that line!??  I think he did…..anyway.  I support change and the desire to try something new.  I also believe if you’re gonna go……it should be big or you should go home.  However, I would suggest based on the evidence that maybe the 27:41 age gap is a bit too much gap.  Idk, maybe that’s just me…..

Side Note

It’s shaping up to be a pretty epic party weekend around here.  Expect another picture blog to document the adventure!

Chapter 4: The Slow Fade

I think one of the most annoying aspects of modern dating has to be the slow fade.  I’m sure people have been utilizing some version of this method for decades, but I have a feeling it’s become more prevalent in recent years.  Personally, I think online dating and cell phones have created a “perfect storm” situation where we don’t need to be near to or actually talk to the people we are trying to date.  It’s too easy to stay in touch with people now, so we get lazy, and we just don’t do it.  Dating, at least in my recent experience, starts out much more impersonally, and I think that makes slow fading someone easier.

For those who might not know, the slow fade is when either you or the other party just slowly stops talking.  This is slightly different from say a cliff dive scenario where someone just…..all the sudden stops talking!  That’s annoying too, but in a different way.  Slow fading is the modern version of the phrase, “letting someone down easy.”  You like them enough to not drop your departure on them like a ton of bricks, but not enough to actually tell them why you don’t want to date them.  Usually, let’s be honest, that reason is, “I’m just not that into you.”  I’m maybe being a bit hypocritical here, because it isn’t like I’ve never used the slow fade on someone.  I think that I differ slightly from the typical slow fade user though.  Even if I don’t want to date you, I’ll stil talk and probably hang out with you.  I’f I’m really just not feeling it at all, I’ll start the fading process by just “being busy”.  Now, realistically, I’m almost never too busy to hang out with someone, but I guess you make time for what is important.  My constant state of busy basically puts the ball in the other person’s court.  If you want to slow fade me at this point, great!  The feeling is mutual, I just don’t ever really want to be the one to crush some poor guys hopes and dreams.

If after a significant period of time the poor guy just isn’t grasping the “friend zone” concept I’m trying to roll with, I’ll perform a slow fade.  Just slowly stop answering texts and definitely don’t answer phone calls!  Frankly, I really only prefer this technique on people I haven’t gone on face to face dates with.  Not only do I prefer it, I totally accept it!  If we haven’t bothered to meet in person and it’s been several months, we clearly aren’t all that into each other.  I have enough friends, I don’t need an extended circle of random dudes I met online.  Thanks, but no thanks!

The use of the slow fade that I don’t understand is when you’ve meet someone in person, had a good time together, agree to meet up again, and then bam….the slow fade.  I mean, I get that sometimes you’re just not that into someone.  I also understand that even if you’ve casually been seeing someone, when it comes time to move on, it can sometimes feel like you have to “break up” with someone you weren’t actually dating.  Trust me, that’s a feeling I’m well acquainted with!  However, have we really become so fragile that we can’t just tell someone we aren’t interested?  Again, I think it’s laziness.  It’s just easier to give someone the slow fade, but that doesn’t make it right.  I should clarify that the mutual slow fade is a rare gift, a mystical unicorn of modern dating.  If you find yourself in a mutual slow fade, count your lucky stars and have a celebratory drink!!  It truly is a “get out of jail free card”.

As someone who has been on both the receiving and giving end of a slow fade, it’s a complicated topic.  On the giving side, you want an easy way to remove yourself from a situation, all whilst causing the least amount of emotional trauma.  On the receiving end, sometimes it would really be nice to know why you can’t hold down a relationship.  I think generally we should all be less accepting of the slow fade!  It’s really not helping anyone, and it’s use is probably just adding to an already high amount of dating anxiety!  However, no one wants to be the crazy one who demands explanations for everything, so we all just accept the slow fade.

I’ll be the first to admit that hearing about my flaws is only something I want from close family and friends, and even then it’s still not enjoyable.  However, my friends and family really aren’t likely to tell me the reasons why I send guys disappearing into the shadows.  They probably don’t know the reasons honestly!  There probably isn’t a good answer to the slow fade problem which plagues the dating scene.  I understand the appeal of giving someone the slow fade, however I’d really prefer people didn’t use that method on me.  Maybe we are just destined to be hypocrites in a slow fade world.

Chapter 3: The 24 Hour First Date

One would think that I live in a populated enough city that I could find someone in town to date; however, the pickings are slim people!  I’m not gonna pretend to advise anyone on what might be an appropriate geographic area.  I’ve been on dates with guys who lived three hours away…..which seems excessive to me. But hey, if you want to drive up and meet me, I’m not gonna stop you.  I will say that I never….never …..ever drive to meet a guy first!  If I’m get murdered by some deranged ax murderer, it’s going to be in the comfort of my own city thank you very much!  (I did drive once to meet a guy, but I knew him previously, I had other friends in his town, and that’s a different story.)

The's real and it could happen to you!

The struggle….it’s real and it could happen to you!

The whole debacle of this date could have been avoided had I stuck to my #1 rule of dating: They need to be taller than me!  SEE THE AWFUL THINGS THAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN YOU BREAK THE RULES KIDS!  Anyway!!!  I ended up emailing a sorta cute guy on  He said he was the same height as me, but this is one quality that men generally tend to round up, and you should always be wary.  I say he is “sorta” cute only because he’s not the type I generally like to date, but again I was trying to be better about busting out of my routine.  After all, the routine has been highly unsuccessful to date and change can be good.  He’s an architect in Minnesota, he wanted to come down to SooFoo on a Saturday afternoon for a date, and I agreed because frankly what was the worst that could happen?  (Ax murderer visions aside of course).  We met up at a Buffalo Wild Wings, and that’s where the real journey begins.

First impressions…..they are important…..I shall rattle off a few of mine about the Architect.

  • Shiny, big, black Jeep…..acceptable, but not a truck
  • Short……I want to say he had boots on, and we were maybe exactly matched in height
  • Well dressed…..very like “grown-up hipster” style. Nice leather jacket, worn in t shirt, rolled skinny jeans.
  • Slim…..skinny in a “I used to be/am a distance runner” sorta way…..which he was/is.

To sum up the Architect in one sentence– He looks vaguely like Jason Mraz, and the way he talks and acts reminds me of Kuzco the llama emperor!  He’s really quite funny, and we get along really well.

I mean, who wouldn't want to hang out with this combo in hipster clothes!?!?

I mean, who wouldn’t want to hang out with this combo in hipster clothes!?!?

I should maybe point out, that it’s quite possible, that I went to this date feeling slightly hung over.  I’m not entirely sure anymore.  I remember being hesitant about ordering a beer, but that could have just been because he made me order first, and I HATE having to like decide the tone of a date.  We hung out, ate a bit, chatted, ya know the usual datey type things.  He has a dog, I have a dog….our dogs are nothing alike.  He has a boat, I have a boat…..our boats aren’t for the same activities.  He wants to live in a modern loft or shipping container house!??  My style is maybe best described as “modern Marie Antoinette”?!?  Even though he’s a funny guy, I had pretty much already decided that we weren’t going to date.  Is that rash?!?!  I mean if it’s not there is not there right!!  We’ll come back to this topic in a hot minute, just stick with me for a bit.

At some point, we decided to leave B-Dubs and go to my bar of choice.  My preferred bar was on the opposite side of town, and since the Architect isn’t super familiar with SooFoo, I offered to drive us.  Helpful tip, in today’s modern age of technology, if a guy can’t get himself across town, you shouldn’t be with him!  Granted, I offered, but I could have avoided this awkward tale if I had made him drive himself.  I mentioned that I may have been hungover because I had been at the bar the night before, and a couple of the bartenders commented on this.  Sue me, they have good food and I like the ambiance!  Actually, being close to my bar and a nice kitchen were the major selling points of my house!  While at the bar, we actually started talking about old relationships, which is generally a huge first date no-no.  However, out of this conversation came the premise that I have an absurd dating history and that I should write a book.  Basically, if you enjoy my blog at all….you have the Architect to thank!  He was the first one to ask “Where do you find these people?!?” and I’m still trying to figure that out.  He also coined the term “educated hood rat” to describe my general lifestyle tendencies.  It seems odd, but it’s actually pretty accurate.  95% of the time my life is put together, organized, and I generally act like an adult.  However, that 5% of the time when I don’t care and want to get a bit crazy, my friends and I don’t jack around with it.  We all are firm believers of the “Work hard, play harder” life mantra!  We never really act like what you envision as an actual hood rat….we aren’t delinquents we just like to party!

Through the course of conversation, he discovered that I had never been drinking downtown.  He considered this just slightly below personally offensive, decided that we should switch bars again, and remedy this immediately.  I was still having a fairly good time at this point, but suggested that I needed to go home, feed my dog, and hang some custom art I had just picked up.  Basically, a polite, “Let’s end this now and maybe do it again sometime.”  However, “I need to hang art,” was not the exit phrase to tell a guy who double majored in architecture and art.  He thought a detour for art on the way to downtown would be ideal.  It’s now important to mention that this happened during summer time in SoDak, when thunderstorms can pop up out of nowhere.  While we were at my place hanging art and googling bars downtown, it started pouring.  So here I am, with the Architect and my dog, stuck in my apartment while a monsoon rages outside.  I’m a huge baby about being rained on when I’ve straightened my hair, and this wasn’t the “quick, run to the car you won’t get that wet” sorta rain.  This was the rainy season in some tropical country.

All it takes is one good rain storm to take you from cute to pissy!

All it takes is one good rain storm to take you from cute to pissy!

Needless to say, we did not make it to downtown Soo Foo that night.  What we did do was continue the conversations about being educated hood rats and crazy past relationships.  I also sprinkled in some fun medical facts because I’m really entertained by people who get squeamish in the face of biology.  I’m not sure why he didn’t want to drive home that night, something about rain and it being late maybe?  I’m not sure, and my attention span is on par with a hyper toddler’s, so we were already well past the point were I was really paying attention to anything. We agreed to keep talking until morning when he could drive home, and that really failed pretty hard.  Sometime in the middle of these conversations we mutually passed out haphazardly strewn across my bed.    Ok, sorta not how one envisions a first date going but ya know….I’m sure weirder things have happened right!?  For the sake of my Mother’s mental sanity, I will stress that nothing happened!  Once we both woke up a bit he suggested a nap and lunch before he had to drive back to Minnesota.  I, being the sometimes bitch that I am, denied him both and drove him back to his car at B-Dubs.  This series of events didn’t take quite a full 24 hours….but it was really close enough to round!  I’m rounding, because “The Approximately 22.25 Hour First Date” doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Who's really keep track anyway....

Who’s really keep track anyway….

The Architect and I hung out randomly a few times throughout the summer, but nothing ever came of it, obviously.  He did come one night to party with me and my people.  This was the night that caused the Bestie to keep declaring that I should give him more chances.  Bestie’s Momma had other ideas and declared that if there wasn’t a spark, I needed to move right along.  Move right alone I did!  Not sure where I moved to….obviously not anywhere great, but that’s the journey I guess.  The Architect and I still talk sometimes.  In fact, he was in town and took me out to lunch the day I closed on my new house.  He actually came and looked at the house, but didn’t offer to hang any art. 🙂

Chapter 2: The List

Tonight we add another chapter to the saga of The Men I Could Live Without.  This post isn’t about a specific guy rather it covers the various criteria I look for in men and plethora of reasons I’ve been told I should abandon these criteria.  Writing this blog will of course require some liquid excitement and tonight’s booze de jour is Ole Smokey moonshine cherries and Diet Coke.  Drink up me hearties….on to The List!

I’ve always been a pretty indecisive person.  Very few things ever seem worth the trouble of forming a solid opinion and holding my ground.  Trust me when I say that when push comes to shove and I need to stand my ground I’m perfectly capable of doing so.  Generally, I’m just pretty agreeable to most things.  I bring this up because people always ask me what I’m looking for in a guy.  I’ve never been able to give anyone a solid answer to that question.  If anything, my previous dating experiences have established a pretty firm list of qualities I’m hoping to avoid in the future but nothing has ever really helped shaped a list of qualities I want.  To help direct the struggle I created a checklist of qualities which seemed like a good basis to go on:

  1. They should to be taller than me.
  2. They should have gone to college….any college and any degree is acceptable.
  3. They should be preferably not be a divorcee and at the very least childless.
  4. They should drive a truck….preferably a big, black one.
  5. They should own a Harley.

There are also some basic understood generals:

  1. A job
  2. A general lack of felony convictions
  3. No tattoos visible from the neck up

THAT’S IT!!  5 tiny little personal preferences and just some overarching life principles!  It really doesn’t seem like those should be hard qualities to find.  I’d even get updates from friends on guys they would find out and about town.  It wasn’t a rare occurrence that I’d get texts like, “Meet one of the bartenders he meets 4 criteria!” or “There’s a guy at work who is a 5 out of 5!”  I’m not even that picky about how a guy looks.  Blond hair…..fine, dark hair…..great that works too.  I’m just a pretty equal opportunity dater.

In some regards it is becoming a bit hard to find all 5 criteria.  The older I get, the pool of men who have never been married or don’t have a kid running around seems to get smaller every year.  That isn’t a rock solid rule.  I would date someone who’s been divorced; I mean life happens to us all.  When kids are involved that just makes things trickier and way more complicated than they already are.  College degrees can also be a debatable item on the list.  I’ve just discovered that guys with degrees seem to appreciate my intelligence more.  My Grandma B had a little wall hanging that said, “I didn’t get this far by just looking good.”  You can like because I’m pretty, but you had better understand that I’m not just a pretty face you can boss around.  I have a brain and I know who to use it!

It turns out that this list, while fine in theory is horrible in practice. Jerks went to college and own trucks, the world is full of tall assholes, and motorcycles are not good judges of character!  My last serious relationship was with a guy who (I thought) was everything I wanted.  He fit everything on the lists I mean I didn’t think it got any more promising than that.  Even the best list and an overall go with the flow attitude won’t make someone respect you and it won’t make clashing life ideals go away.

After spending basically a year in a fundamentally flawed relationship, I had to spend some time re-evaluating my life choices.  Talking to some friends who are married really shed some light on my situation.  One of my guy friends told me I had to find someone who was my best friend.  He said I could hold onto maybe one other criterion but that regardless of what happens that person has to be my best friend first.  I’ll give you one guess as to which criteria I’m clinging to for dear life….if you guessed height reward yourself with a victory drink!  My bestie, who is married, likes to remind me that if the right guy drives a car I can probably suggest he up grade for a truck.  Option B is that I just buy myself a truck and harley….frankly that works too.  My mother informs me that it’s cheaper to find a boy….but sometimes a girl just needs to do things for herself.

Chapter 1: Vodka and Tears

I present to you the story of the FIREFIGHTER COWBOY!

I first met the Firefighter Cowboy online dating. Also he was my first escapade into blind dates off the internet. (There isn’t enough wine in my house currently for me to delve into my online dating situation, we’ll save that for some other time.) He seemed sort of normal so I agreed to go meet for drinks. Let’s just get this outta the way right away….he lied about his height!!!! WHY WHY WHY do guys think they can just add a couple inches and no one will notice?!?!?!? I suppose if a girl was 5’2” she might not notice, I however am not one of those girls. As a tall girl with an obsession for heels, height is an non negotiable issue for me. Even in cowboy boots he was still short….not like meh I can deal short….but like full on short!! Anyway, that was strike one. Second, he spent most of the date criticizing my beer choices. Can’t a guy just let a girl get her drink on? Fast-forward a couple hours, we leave, and I’m counting my lucky stars that its over. This is where it starts to get real weird….he sent me a text asking if I thought we should see each other again. I responded along the lines of “no, not really” which produced a response of “yea, me neither”. Maybe an hour after that I get a text asking if I wanted to hang out again! This should have been my first clue……

Also…he didn’t look like this..I mean he’s not a stripper….but this general vibe was not what he was working with!

Moving forward, the Cowboy and I decided that we could just hang out. We discussed, AT LENGTH, that we wouldn’t date but that we could sometimes hang out socially. I didn’t really have friends in town. I thought that maybe if I had someone to hang out with I would eventually meet some people. Every time we hung out he always got really upset that I wouldn’t date him. This would cause him to alternate between never wanting to speak to me again and turning around and inviting me out again. It was weird, don’t ask me why we kept hanging out, we just did. He eventually moved into an apartment near my old town home, apparently quit being a firefighter, and started working at the Ford dealership. The last time I saw him at my house was really the icing on the craziness cake.

If this deranged beaver cake is a 9 on the crazy scale…..we are headed to full on 10.  Strap in folks!

If this deranged beaver cake is a 5 on the WTF scale…..we are headed to full on 10.                   Strap in folks!

He stopped by one night on his way home from work for drinks on my patio. It started getting late and buggy out so we moved inside. I’m not quite sure how this series of events occurred, but before I knew it the Cowboy was drinking straight vodka out of a coffee mug IN MY KITCHEN!! Ok….cool…. I guess, I mean I can roll with this, a little vodka never hurt anyone. So we bummed around for a bit while he swilled vodka. The downfall really started when the swilling led to him asking me out for the umpteenth time. This was obviously our established standard operating procedure. Drinks always led to stating the various reasons why he was OBVIOUSLY the only person I should be dating. This particular night was going along very much according to plan……and then the crying started.

I can not accurately express the horror and/or confusion that flashed through my brain. A 27 year old guy was standing in my kitchen bawling whilst explaining that my current boyfriend was awful and that he, the Cowboy, was the best life choice I could possibly make! This choice, as I recall, was primarily based on the fact that his dad knows the mayor (or former mayor maybe) of Brookings, SD. I’m not sure that any fact has ever made me less enthused to date someone! I think he ended up walking home that night after I kinda sorta shoved him out of my house. Luckily, I avoided any potentially awkward encounters the next day when he came to get his car. It had been there in the morning, but was just gone when I got home from work. #winning

Remember kids.....don't swill and campaign!

Remember kids…..don’t swill and campaign!

Before you jump to conclusions that I was mean to this poor crying, ex-firefighter, cowboy in my kitchen I have a fun fact to share. Late last year I went on a date with another online boy.   (I know, I know I should learn!!! Again, not enough wine currently to broach this topic.) This date was with a manager at a Ford dealership where the Cowboy had worked. (The Cowboy had been fired from the dealership, so now he’s an ex-firefighter/ex-carsalesman?!?!) I guess they ran into each other at a bar one night, and the Cowboy had proceeded to start crying and yelling about his connections to “important people in Brookings!!” Good to know that I wasn’t the only one who was unimpressed with his political connections!