Another One Bites the Dust….or Toilet

As it turns out, I’m not a great fish parent.  I have lost many a 22 cent Walmart goldfish to their watery graves.  I’m not quite sure what I do wrong as a fish parent.  I’m just gonna assume that fish have limited lifespans, and that they just die.

“It’s the ciiiirrrrcccllleee……the circle, of life.”


The most recent death was Blackpearl, the betta.  He was proceeded in death by his distant relative Captain Jack.  He is survived by his other distant relative, Bootstrap Bill.  Blackpearl had a rather interesting entrance into my life.  To share that story, I’ll share a little bit about ol’ Captain Jack.

Captain Jack died I think the day after Thanksgiving last year.  He was always such a good betta, slightly angry at you all the time.  He would always swim up to the front of his skull head bowl when you’d walk over to feed him.  He’d puff way up to look like a little badass, and then go full throttle after his food.  And then, he suddenly died.  Lil Sis and I found him floating dead with frosted over little fish eyes.  So, we did the only practical thing, we flushed him.  I’m not sure what else you’re supposed to do with a fish after he’s gone to the great bowl in the sky?  I suppose you could bury him if you’re so inclined, but that’s not really an option on the mostly frozen tundra that is SoDak around Thanksgiving time.

After a few days of mourning, the Bitch Faced Bestie and I went shopping for a new fish.  I settled on a nice sorta iridescent blue/green/purple little man, and in keeping with the pirate theme I named him Blackpearl.  Getting Blackpearl home was maybe more than his little fish self could handle.  The ride across town was uneventful, and Blackpearl hung out, I assume happily, in his cup in the cupholder of the truck.  Events took a drastic downturn upon arriving at home.  The BFB drove, so I had to exit the vehicle on the passenger side….obviously.  What isn’t so obvious is that because my drive way is mostly in the shade, coupled with the fact that I’m too lazy to buy salt, means that I exited the truck onto an ice skating rink.  I generally ignore this fact because when I drive, I park in the garage.  The ice rink alone might have been ok, expect that I was wearing my cowgirl boots….which are not widely known for their ice gripping abilities…..

This series of unfortunate events lead to me loosing my balance, and in the process….launching Blackpearl airborne.  He subsequently landed upside down in his cup…..halfway across my lawn… a snowbank.

Now, I’m not an animal expert, but I assume that an event of this traumatic nature would have an effect.  In Blackpearl’s case, I’m a tiny bit sure that the effect was maybe shock and some slight damage to his little brain.  He just didn’t really seem to want to be a fish after that.  I had him 10 months give or take, and in that time I think I only saw him eat once.  He rarely left the rocky bottom of his tank, and didn’t really appear to be living his best life.  To say that when I saw him floating upside down at the top of his tank the other day was a surprise, would be a lie.  Hopefully he’s moved on to a happier bowl, or ya know maybe he just likes chilling on rocks…..who really knows these things.

In any case, I was again left with an empty skull head.  So I went out betta shopping the other night, and brought home a new little man.  I managed to get him safely and uneventfully into the house and into his new home.  He seems quite happy, and has already munched down more food than I think Blackpearl ate in his whole life.  Please note that the photo below doesn’t really do him justice.  In person, he’s a cute pearl/grey with gold tipped fins that he like’s to flare to impress you…..or probably to try and intimidate you….cuz he’s a little badass like that!


He’s fancy, he’s puffy……he’s Bootstrap Bill!