S🐾S: Pleaz Sendz Halp

Herowr!

iz in need of reskue!

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Feeling highly suspicious!

 

Mumma made me take a bath after calling me “stink butt”.  i do not know dis term “stink butt” but my little life waz most certainly at risk.  Just becuz iz seeing furands next week iz no reason to try and make me klean.  My furands do not mind and i wurked hard to collect all the dirtz.

Mumma iz currently trying to bribe back my luvs with tomatoes and kale but iz going to try and remain strong.  If someonez could pleaz sendz halp, i would luv youz furever.  im clearly being tortured and abuzed, so i can not stayz here, but inz the meantime i will plot revenge by finding and eating all da underroos.  Pay back iz a bitch!

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So upset I can’t even look at you…..

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….but I mean if you’re giving away tomatoes…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luv,

Fluffy, pisst, and dezperate

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Maybe Everyone Just Needs to Laugh a Little

It seems to me that everyone has been very on edge lately…..

I’m not going to get into the election, politics are not at all my jam as those who know me best are well acquainted with.  I will say that I think it’s incredibly sad to know that I live in a country that is so divided on so many issues.  I don’t know how we’ve come to reach such a low point, but I do know that this isn’t the America I grew up in, and it hopefully isn’t the America which will continue.

Remembering the Golden Rule would go a long way in repairing relationships.  Just treat everyone with the respect and dignity you’d like to be treated with, regardless of creed, ethnicity, or opinions.

Anyway……enough about all that.  I decided that this week I might just compile pictures, videos,….things that make me giggle.  I think we could all use a break from serious things, and even if it’s just for a few minutes, hopefully these things make you smile.  They aren’t intended to be anything else other than a good laugh.  I’m aware that some of the people have made political videos which you may or may not agree with, but just maybe ignore them for today and instead appreciate them for their abilities to make us laugh and smile.

Giggles never hurt anyone after all!!

“I’ll say it right to his face in cursive, cuz he knows if he comes over I’ll scissor kick his gizzard and break his karate artery!”

—IDK what this means, but it might be my favorite quote ever!

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There’s nothing else to say really!

Apologies……this next one is a little heavy on the swearing, and slightly inappropriate….but I find it hilarious…..mostly because of the Tim McGraw section….but you need the rest to have that make sense.

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“Don’t….call me Bearclaw…..”

The prayer that every good Catholic child knows….but with a twist….and maybe a stalk of celery!

Please do yourself a huge favor, go to Netflix, and watch all of Ali Wong’s special Baby Cobra!  I could probably watch it everyday and not get sick of it honestly!  I had sorta a tricky time finding a good clip of her that wasn’t blatantly pirated off someone’s TV….but just trust me, you need her in your life!

In honor of Veteran’s Day being last week, I thought I would add a little military flare to the post.  Dogs walking in new boots is never not hilarious to me, and it’s important that we remember and honor all those who work to keep us safe and secure, not just the two legged ones!

If none of these have made you laugh, then IDK there is nothing I can probably do for you to make you smile.  If I haven’t made you smile….then I’ll just leave you with this…..

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THE DOCTOR IS ALWAYS RIGHT!

Eau de Swamp Butt

So, I have a smelly dog.  In my experience some dogs are smellier than others, and Scout is just smelly.  She never really smells like anything, mostly just like dog.  When the dogginess gets to be a bit too much, I force her into a bath.  Baths make her wet, fluffy, and generally annoyed.  She doesn’t enjoy them, and at best….she tolerates them.  For some reason, she hates outside bathes the most.  She has gotten a bit more tolerant of bathes at the new house as long as I get in the shower with her.  We’ve now even gotten to the point where she will get in the shower of her own accord.  It’s a special skill to heave a struggling, 75 pound dog into a shower or tub when she doesn’t want to go, and I’m glad I don’t have to do that anymore!

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A pissed off, flurry, damp, Lewis and Clark want to be. This is what happens after tub time, she gets so annoyed she won’t even look at me until I appease her with treats!

 

Last weekend at Main Squeeze’s…..something happened.  I’m not sure what exactly happened, but Scout was fine one minute, then came back into the house with Jeter smelling awful!  Like an awful mix of 100% humidity day swamp butt (don’t act like you don’t know what that smell is), molding gym bag, and something dead!  It was toxic!!  Like she’s gotten into some awful things, but this was maybe the worst.  Nope…..I take that back.  The time I had to give her multiple bathes and a shot of Febreeze all in the same evening was the worst.  That makes swamp butt/moldy death a close runner up.  I’m thinking that Jeter had something to do with it, but who really knows.  Two weekends ago, Scout rolled in poop…..multiple times…..after I yelled at her about it.  She’s not the brightest little bulb sometimes, and that makes her second bath in two weeks.  UGH!

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Who would imagine that this cute little face could end up being fatally smelly!?!

The removal of the swamp butt was made complicated by the fact that Scout hates….HATES…..having her face washed.  I try and be a very careful Momma and keep the water and soap outta her eyes, ears, and nose, but sometimes her squirming makes the impossible.  This particular flavor of stink necessitated a double round of face scrubbing which I’m sure lead to some water logged ears, so now she’s doubly annoyed with me.  We are usually all up in each other’s faces, and I will tolerate a pretty substantial level of dogginess before I’ll give her a bath, but this was too much for even me.  Plus, we are having company this weekend, and I doubt they want a smelly fur baby running around.

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I refuse to cuddle up with swamp butt…..you’d think she would learn!

 

Dear Asshole,

Dear Asshole down the street who tried to kick my dog,

There are several things about this interaction that I would like you to know….

1. Please do not interpret my calmness and the simple uttering of, “She’s not a biter,” to mean that I understand your issue.
2. You’ll notice my 80lb dog sitting calming on the sideway with me waiting for you to control your 1lb rat.
3. You’ll notice that when YOUR dog/rat started a fight, I calming removed my dog and put her behind me.
4. You should notice that YOUR dog/rat continued to fight.

If and when this happens again, you should know a few things. My parents raised a lady, but the politeness will not continue. Also, if you attempt to kick my dog again I will punch you, kick you while you’re down, and drop kick your dog/rat across the street.

Thanks!
Scout’s Momma

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve been this mad!

Yet, people want to ban large dogs, and specifically my dog (Rott Mix) because they are too violent.  Never mind that small dogs are known to be generally more vicious…….onward with the stupidity I guess we shall go!

The End Of An Era

I don’t even really know what to say….

After an excellent Easter weekend and her 16th birthday, we lost our family dog earlier this week.  Everything seemed to be fine, given her age, until all the sudden it was not.  I’m glad, and lucky that my sister and I were able to make it home before she passed.  There isn’t much else that can be said.  This post won’t do her justice, but I’m too upset to write any more.  She was an excellent dog, and she bore witness over the years to all our families milestones, good and bad.

May there be plenty of frisbees to chase, snakes to hunt, and cherry trees to graze on over the rainbow bridge.

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