I’ve Got a Brand New Bowfriend!

So….do you all remember when I said the other week that I was making a large purchase!?!

 

Well….I’ve gone and done it!

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I’ve wanted a compound bow for quite sometime, so when I got my 5 year anniversary bonus from work I put that money towards a bow.  After trying out a few different makes and models, I settled on a Hoyt Powermax.  I have learned that there is no such thing as a bad bow, you just need to find what feels comfortable and works for you.  I purchased him all set up and ready to go at Dakota Archery.  He was just hanging up on the wall waiting patiently for me.

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I’ve only taken him….and yes I call him him, all the time…..out shooting a couple times.  Slowly but surely I’m getting everything set up on him.  I still need to spend some time adjusting the pins on my sight, but I’m shooting fairly consistently and that’s the main thing.  In typical girl fashion I’m maybe overly concerned about everything matching, so I picked up some new grey arrows with lime and white fletchings at the range the other afternoon!  I’ve also added a wrist sling….of course in lime and black!  The next thing will be a case to hold all of my stuff and probably an annual pass to my local range!

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Taking the bowfriend out for a little afternoon shooting date!

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Ignore the death grip….the sling should help that a bit….and practice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This kids…..is why you keep your elbows relaxed.  The bow will tell you if you’ve got bad form!  Maybe should add an arm guard to the “To Purchase” list?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m glad that I’ve gotten back into archery, and that I’ve got a hobby I can put some time and energy into.  Sounds weird, but it’s oddly therapeutic to go fire some arrows down range.  It’s probably calming because you have to settle your breathing and focus, but it’s easy to block out the world and just focus on the target.  A couple hours pass pretty quickly.  Plus, once it warms up there are plenty of outdoor ranges and small local competitions to attend.  I’ve already got one scheduled with some friends…..so I guess I better get to practicing!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

S🐾S: Pleaz Sendz Halp

Herowr!

iz in need of reskue!

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Feeling highly suspicious!

 

Mumma made me take a bath after calling me “stink butt”.  i do not know dis term “stink butt” but my little life waz most certainly at risk.  Just becuz iz seeing furands next week iz no reason to try and make me klean.  My furands do not mind and i wurked hard to collect all the dirtz.

Mumma iz currently trying to bribe back my luvs with tomatoes and kale but iz going to try and remain strong.  If someonez could pleaz sendz halp, i would luv youz furever.  im clearly being tortured and abuzed, so i can not stayz here, but inz the meantime i will plot revenge by finding and eating all da underroos.  Pay back iz a bitch!

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So upset I can’t even look at you…..

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….but I mean if you’re giving away tomatoes…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Luv,

Fluffy, pisst, and dezperate

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Home for the Holiday!

I hope that you all are having a wonderful Christmas weekend!  I thought I’d share some of the happenings around my family with you.  Also, I’m sorta taking a cheat week to just post photos!

 

When you get home, and have to finish presents still!

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Where are the chestnuts when you need them!?

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When the haul is looking good!

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When Snapchat gets a little too festive!

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All hail the popcorn ball tree!

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When you never know what’s gonna end up under the tree!

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When you pack your whole closet and then make pointless wardrobe changes for Christmas mass…..

 

When Christmas mornings are the best mornings!

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When you bought almost all the eyeshadows, but none of them are quite right….so you shop some more!

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When you have a new member of the family, and you love him dearly!

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I would like to introduce everyone to my new Italian baby….Maximus!  He comes in at a happy and healthy 5 liters, and I couldn’t be more excited to welcome him home!

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Maybe Everyone Just Needs to Laugh a Little

It seems to me that everyone has been very on edge lately…..

I’m not going to get into the election, politics are not at all my jam as those who know me best are well acquainted with.  I will say that I think it’s incredibly sad to know that I live in a country that is so divided on so many issues.  I don’t know how we’ve come to reach such a low point, but I do know that this isn’t the America I grew up in, and it hopefully isn’t the America which will continue.

Remembering the Golden Rule would go a long way in repairing relationships.  Just treat everyone with the respect and dignity you’d like to be treated with, regardless of creed, ethnicity, or opinions.

Anyway……enough about all that.  I decided that this week I might just compile pictures, videos,….things that make me giggle.  I think we could all use a break from serious things, and even if it’s just for a few minutes, hopefully these things make you smile.  They aren’t intended to be anything else other than a good laugh.  I’m aware that some of the people have made political videos which you may or may not agree with, but just maybe ignore them for today and instead appreciate them for their abilities to make us laugh and smile.

Giggles never hurt anyone after all!!

“I’ll say it right to his face in cursive, cuz he knows if he comes over I’ll scissor kick his gizzard and break his karate artery!”

—IDK what this means, but it might be my favorite quote ever!

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There’s nothing else to say really!

Apologies……this next one is a little heavy on the swearing, and slightly inappropriate….but I find it hilarious…..mostly because of the Tim McGraw section….but you need the rest to have that make sense.

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“Don’t….call me Bearclaw…..”

The prayer that every good Catholic child knows….but with a twist….and maybe a stalk of celery!

Please do yourself a huge favor, go to Netflix, and watch all of Ali Wong’s special Baby Cobra!  I could probably watch it everyday and not get sick of it honestly!  I had sorta a tricky time finding a good clip of her that wasn’t blatantly pirated off someone’s TV….but just trust me, you need her in your life!

In honor of Veteran’s Day being last week, I thought I would add a little military flare to the post.  Dogs walking in new boots is never not hilarious to me, and it’s important that we remember and honor all those who work to keep us safe and secure, not just the two legged ones!

If none of these have made you laugh, then IDK there is nothing I can probably do for you to make you smile.  If I haven’t made you smile….then I’ll just leave you with this…..

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THE DOCTOR IS ALWAYS RIGHT!

Chapter 14 : Naked Burrito Dude

Now that I’m a single twenty something again, I can return to writing about all my dating adventures.  Apparently……this is something that’s frowned upon in relationships.  I’m not sure why, because my past relationships are what shaped me into who am I and brought me to this point in my life.  But, I suppose on the other hand I can understand how being confronted with your person’s past all the time could be awkward.  When you get to be this age, we all know everyone has dated someone else before……we just collectively don’t acknowledge this fact and pretend it’s not a thing that’s happened.  It’s just one of the unwritten laws of being a single twenty something.

 

For this particular chapter, we are going way back on the dating scale.  Back many moons ago when I was merely a middle aged twenty something in search of a quality drunk weekend with friends.  Ok, so I’m still generally in favor of a good old fashioned drinking weekend…..but the point is I was younger and life generally seemed better!

I mean, would you just look at us?!?  Babies!  Infants!  

Blissfully still unaware of how much being an adult can suck.  I had strings of pink tinsel in my hair!!!  So, there I was all done up with a fresh hair cut, dye job, and tinsel……in a silver mini dress….wearing spanx and two bras (to shove the girls way up there fake boob style)…….and 5 inch silver heels.  I’m going to be honest when I saw that plenty of guys talked to me that night, but all of them were short and not really all that great.  I was also the subject of a fight between a married couple at one point because he was sure my boobs were fake, and she was sure they were real.  I’m not sure what happened to them, or how the fight ended….it was sorta weird and I mostly just exited their area.  Things were going along as they do most party nights at a bar, and then up walked Burrito Dude.

I remember taking off my heels and standing in the sawdust at the Saloon 10 to verify the fact that Burrito Dude was taller than me.  I tend to put people through this check before I invest any sorta energy into them…..does that make me shallow?!  It probably does, but to be fair I don’t think it’s changing anytime soon.

I was fairly drunk that night and I don’t remember a ton of details, but I do know that in trying to dance with me, he unzipped my wristlet and sent my poor little slider phone flying across the dance floor where it landed and broke apart.  The phone and I survived the night….barely, and the night ended with Bitch Faced Bestie yelling at Lil B about being a lady because she was sitting on the sawdust covered floor trying to find us a ride home.  We did get a safe ride home, but we still haven’t let her live down “the sawdust event”.

Next day, in the middle of hangover lounging with the BFB, Burrito Dude sent a text asking if I wanted to go to dinner.  I didn’t really want to, as the hangover was becoming pretty real, but I did eventually agree to go with him.  He ate steak tips and I sipped a Diet Coke….I’m sure I was a great date….although I think I probably did munch a couple of his fries.  He went home, I passed out to sleep off the weekend, and drove home the next day not really thinking much of it honestly.

A few weeks come and go and Burrito Dude decides that he wants to come see me.  He does, but I don’t even know what we really did.  I do recall that before he left town we went to Ihop and I had cheesecake pancakes.  I think it must say something about my priorities in life that I remember that I had cheesecake pancakes, but I can’t honestly tell you what he and I even did other than that.

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They have chunks of cheesecake in them…..who wouldn’t want these!?!?!

I did end up making a trip back out to the hills Valentine’s Day weekend.  Now, don’t get any ultra mushy, romantic ideas.  I mean I did see him, but mostly I went because The Girls and I had planned to go to a fancy masquerade party.  I don’t think we went…..I think we instead ended up drinking downtown again, as we usually do.  He was in town with his parents for some fundraiser activity, and he ended up driving me and my car back to his house in Rapid City.  I’m pretty sure I passed out in the passenger seat.  (Don’t judge me…I was younger and partied harder back in the day!)

Once again, I don’t think we did anything all that exciting, but at some point he decided we needed food and we went to Qdoba.  Just as I was getting all ready to show my chicken burrito who was boss, he chirped in with the fun fact that if I had gotten a naked burrito bowl I would have saved myself 300 calories.  In response to my dismay at why he would even know that sort of information he replied,

It’s just more calories to work off at the gym.

That was really the beginning of the end for us!  I also ended up making him taco casserole…..which is amazing, and he said it would be better if it had less cheese and sour cream…….(cue cricket noise of shock)…….

The actual end was when he basically kicked me out of his house later that weekend so that he could go skiing.  Nothing says, “I’m into you” like waking a girl up and kicking her out of your house so you can go hit the slopes.  I went to Philly Ted’s, picked up my traditional order of cajun chicken sandwiches to bring home, hit the road, and basically never looked back!

Shortly after me, he met a girl that he still is currently dating.  Actually, I saw them the other weekend when I was out in the hills for the concert weekend with the besties.  I was pretty sure that he didn’t know who I was, but BFB was pretty sure that he did.  Who knows really, but it wouldn’t have worked out anyway.  The only things I remember about hanging out with him was what I ate….and probably he was secretly judging me the entire time.  

……Plus, he’s a cat person….and I’m sure you’ve all figured out by now that I am not a cat person.

Someone’s Getting Married!

….It’s not me, no one freak out!

One of my favorite girls is getting married today!  It’s been a pretty busy week of cake baking with Bitch Faced Bestie, wine drinking, and general work stresses.  Also my computer crashed last night.  It spent the night trying to reset itself, but still hasn’t become a computer again so I don’t think the odds are going in my favor….

To celebrate the upcoming  nuptials, the bride’s sister requested that we all write her notes to be given to her at the bachelorette party.  The notes could be advice, a story…..really whatever we wanted.  Since I obviously have no marital advice to offer, I wrote the best letter I could.  It’s a bit naughty….ok kinda sorta a lot naughty, but remember that is was written to be funny and read at a fellow twenty something’s bachelorette party!  Posting it here seems like a great way to kick off her perfect day!

CONGRATS GIRL!!!!

To my dearest “All I ever do is win, win, win”,

By this point, we are all pretty aware that I’m not the queen bee of relationships.  I’ve tended to adopt the Dane Cook model of “relationshits” as my general life feeling on the issue of love.  However….the one thing I am good at is “losing my leaves”!!!

So, on this glorious occasion where you have filtered through all the “relationshits” to find your Prince Charming, I will offer up my best “leaf losing” advice!

  1. Always fight naked…..but do not make him bacon in this state, no matter how much he begs.  Maybe just don’t cook him anything naked…..
  2. Should you find yourself in front of a lingerie display wondering, “Do I need this!?”, the answer is always yes!
  3. Don’t be afraid of the fights.  Always fight fair, but remember that angry sex can sometimes be the best sex.

Since I don’t want the Fiancee to feel like all the advice is too girly, I consulted some dudes about the issue.  Please fine their…..questionable….advice below.

  1. Make sure he licks you, and twice on Sundays….because he apparently won’t be doing anything else anyway.
  2. Starts with an S….ends with a wallow……

……Actually, ignore the dude advice, they are idiots!

In all seriousness, I wish only the best for you and your new family as you embark on this lifelong adventure together.

Love,

The  always , mostly leafless despite

my best intentions tree

I’m doing the bride’s makeup, and bestie baked all the cake and cupcakes.  The Terrain-y is loaded down will all the makeup I own and enough cake to feed an army.  Time to stop for coffee and hit the road…..someone’s getting hitched today!

Things Oily Girls Know to be True

Sometimes it’s hard to be an oily girl in the wonderful world of makeup.  While the majority of your friends are struggling to find a decent moisturizer, your off buying stock in blotting papers and praying your eyeliner stays were it belongs!  As an oily girl, I feel your struggle!!  I thought it would be fun to have some of my favorite makeup artists and YouTube stars help explain the struggle.  They have better facial expressions than I ever could hope for, plus they are pros who just know how to get the job done!  You can admire their flawless makeup while you contemplate the struggles!  Hopefully, these make you giggle…….whether you’re oily or not!  In order of appearance:

Jaclyn Hill

Alex Faction

Manny MUA

Patrick Starr

Jeffree Star

  • When you’re friends are raving about a new highlighter, but you know if you tried it, you’d end up looking like you rubbed all the body glitter off a stripper…..with your face!tumblr_nfgbppEtyB1tzetfco4_500

 

  • This list of products you trust on your (probably) acne prone skinFullSizeRender

 

  • When you realize that other people’s makeup stays on their face…..where they want it……all day….until they take it off

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  • When you want to follow this philosophical advice, but it’s hard given the amount of eyeshadow primer you have to used2f143c22a3fa0b052dbf859d8e9e8b3

 

  • When you know you’ve gotta treat your face like a doughnut, and powder that baby into submissionhM0Px8

 

  • When your cleansing routine will make or break your lifeFullSizeRender (1)

 

  • When you know that strategic lighting will minimize that oil slick shine

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  • When you buy….and then bathe in setting sprays hoping for small miraclesWyDYAZ

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • When your friends start shopping for wrinkle creams, and you can finally feel the balance of power shifting in your directionFullSizeRender (2)

 

  • When you look matte for the first 10-20 magical minutes and it’s got you feeling yourselfmaxresdefault

 

  • The way you’re afraid your makeup might look by the end of a particularly oily dayFullSizeRender

 

  • When you get excited about a new product and then you hear, “If you have oily skin…..you’re probably not going to like this.”1280x720-7MB

 

  • When you find a magical product that stays on flawlessly all dayFullSizeRender_2

 

  • When you know you can always justify buying more lip products, because they will never betray youjs2