Spirit in the Sky

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I never know how to feel on days like today.

It’s almost too many emotions to pick apart and quantify.  I’ve always been good at quantitative analysis, so the fact that I don’t know how to explain my emotions on these days makes me almost as upset as the day itself.

  • I’m sad……but I’m not sure how sad I am, or how sad I’m supposed to be.
  • I’m nervous…….because I sometimes don’t want to talk about it when people ask, but how much of my feeling is nerves?
  • I’m jealous……of people who have their parents around, but don’t appreciate them.  Am I even supposed to be feeling that way?
  • I’m empathetic……..to the kids, many much younger than me, who’ve lost their parents.  This, more than the other emotions, has I think slowly taken up the bulk of my feelings on this day as time as passed.
  • I’m anxious……..about things in the future that I will need my Dad for, and he won’t be here when I need him.

 

This this what being an adult has come to?  If you open the door to death does it suddenly just swoop into your life and consume it?  I hope not, and most of the time I don’t think that at all!  However, in the past few weeks, it feels like death has circled around several of the people who’ve I’ve held very close during various phases of my life.  Two of my blood bank sisters now have to raise their children without loving fathers…..both taken far too young.  A high school acquaintance is left to raise a large family after her husband was taken.  A sudden death rocked not only Cornhusker nation, but the Main Squeeze’s family last week.  Sometimes, it just all feels like I don’t know what the world is coming to.

I live my life the way Dad wanted us to live in the “pre-death/post-cancer” life we as a family were handed, WE MOVE FORWARD!  We do everything we are supposed to do, and life as we had known it remained remarkably the same until it suddenly was not.

I guess in that way I watched my Dad fight cancer in much the same way he always wanted me to swim my competitive races.

Leave it all in the water, and if you can’t get out of the pool at the end, I’ll pull you out.”

I guess Dad just needed someone much bigger to pull him out when he was done with the race.

 

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So, I suppose I shall celebrate the day by working on some woodwork for my bedroom.  I might also get around to putting my “Fuck Cancer” sticker on the car.  I was once told I had earned the right to the sticker.  I’m not sure it’s a right I wanted to have earned, but I suppose there’s nothing to do now but embrace it.  Plus, “Fuck Cancer” is a true life statement!

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4th Fun

What’s a newly single Mishappenings supposed to do with herself!?  The answer is pretty simple……hang out with you’re ride or die friends and drink!  So, that’s basically what I’ve been doing…..and it’s been glorious.

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Homemade vodka lemonade with strawberry at the BBF’s……don’t mind if I do!!

 

We also managed to grill, teach her neice about the glories of explosives, and terrify all the dogs except the baby dachshund all in one fabulous afternoon!!

Sunday night brought stock car races in Nebraska. It was also the event that really cemented the fact that I had been dating a highschool girl for the past 7 months, but more on that later probably.

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When you’ve got all your money riding on that black and gold dream!

 

I also got to spend my first night in a camper and discovered that life is always better in the pit.

It was an amazingly successful holiday weekend that wouldn’t have at all been possible if I didn’t have the amazing friends that I do. I’m sure that I was slightly poutier than my usual self, but they understand that. Those are the best kind of friends to have!

Sometimes Life Just Hurts

I am hurt, I am heart broken, I’m exhausted, and I just need to regroup.

 

Times like these, you’re reminded who your real friends are. They are the ones who drive an hour to meet you for lunch because you’re too exhausted to go to the gym. The ones who text to make sure you aren’t sitting at home alone on a Friday night, and the ones who welcome you, spur of the moment, into their own plans with family and friends because your world came to a crashing halt. The family and friends who try to help salvage a ruined vacation, and who make sure you eat because they know you wouldn’t otherwise.

 

This weekend, while everyone is celebrating freedom and an extra day off work, I’m trying to recollect myself and celebrating my friends and family who have never, ever let me down.

Life with a Limper

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When you are the momma to a recovered, limpy, sore dog, there are certain things you don’t take for granted.

  • The good walks you get to take.  Even if you’re busy, even if it’s hot and buggy or too cold and blowing, a good walk is always a good walk.
  • Every time she jumps onto the couch by herself.
  • When she can tackle stairs and not look nervous or in pain.
  • Talking to other dog owners about her brace, and maybe helping other people consider non-surgerical treatment options to get their fur babies back on the right track.
  • Every spin, swirl, and buck when she’s showing her toys who’s boss.
  • When you neighbors ask about her leg and compliment how much better she’s looking lately.
  • She she prances over whipping her rope for a game of tug-o-war.
  • Not having to worry about reigning in her activity or making sure she doesn’t hurt herself some more.
  • Watching like a proud momma when she comes out of her shell around other people and dogs because she can move comfortably.
  • The days you forget she’s limpy because she acts just like a normal dog.

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When your recovered, limpy, sore dog injures her other leg, there are certain things you hate.

  • You’re new vet telling you that you’ve ruined your dogs quality of life.
  • Hearing about arthritis, surgeries, and recovery time and feeling like you don’t know which is the right decision to make.
  • Any vet telling you, “Just let her be and maybe she’ll get better,” or “Well, she has a history of joint issues so this will just continue to happen.”
  • Knowing that as a rescue fur momma you promised to keep your pound baby safe and happy, and feeling like you’re failing.
  • Watching her tripod around and struggle just to live her little puppy dog life.
  • Doing the best you can, but knowing that someone will always judge your choices.
  • When you’ve made huge gains and progress on getting her back into fighting shape, and now it feels derailed.

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On to brace number two, and hoping my fur baby has a second speedy recovery!

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A Weekend of DIY

I know that I missed posting a blog last week.  I had done so well for a year, but sometimes you just drop the ball on things.  In my defense, it had been a busy week of getting the house ready for summertime and getting a big chunk of my house’s to do list done.  I get that “success and excuses don’t talk together”, but sometimes in life shit happens.

Side note…..well aware I missed last week too!  Apparently when I’m not in school I’m totally incapable of keeping a schedule of any sort. :/

Let’s do the exterior of the house first shall we?!  Summertime means it’s time to PLANT ALL THE THINGS!  I mean, I didn’t plant all the things, but I did plant several things to sprinkle out and around the house.

On the planting list this year were:

  • Cherry Tomato – Scout baby needs her tomato fix every day when I get home from work.  I don’t use these for anything other than some outdoor snacking with my Lil.  The fact that she doesn’t just pick them herself is surprising, but she just sits next to the plant doing her anxious prance-y feet waiting for you to hand them to her.
  • Mini Sweet Bell Peppers – I’ve never grown this variety, but I assume they are good just for straight eating off the vine?!  We shall see!
  • Green and Yellow Beans – Cuz you know I’m going to need to can some more Dilly Beans!
  • Wave Petunia – Easy to grow and I mean…..why not
  • Kale – Confession time……I HAVEN’T PLANTED THE KALE!!!  I couldn’t find a nice “bowl” shaped pot I liked, and I ran out of potting soil anyway.  Plus, in a mad dash to stop the Limping Nugget from asserting her authority towards some dogs across the fence, I threw the hose down….and my kale seeds got wet.  Are they still good to plant!?!  Does anyone know!?  Are my seeds just growing in their package!?  SOMEONE HALP ME!!!!!!

I also finally fixed the gutters around my house.  It was a pain in the butt….literally because I was sitting in landscaping rock….but it’s done and over with so hopefully the foundation of my lil townhome will stay nice, dry, and happy.

Now……on to the interior projects.

You’ll recall that I’ve basically wanted to repaint the master bedroom since I moved into the house.  I did write a small preview blog with what I thought were my ideas, however some of that may have been a lie.  I have yet to finish my garage, but I did paint my bedroom Blackberry….sorta.  There is no chair rail, but I did end up buying the birdcage chandelier!

Well, to celebrate graduating with my Master’s, my Momma decided that she would buy me paint and trim to redo the bedroom.  Now, let’s be real, that’s way too much money, and I shall be trying to not let her pay for everything.  The thought and the gesture are amazing, I just feel bad.  IDK if ya’ll are aware, but home improvement projects are not cheap!  This is mostly the reason why I never started the project before.  WHY MUST ADULTING COST SO MUCH….ALL…..THE….TIME…..!!!!!!

Momma and I decided to use the long weekend to finally get going with the project.  She arrived Thursday night and we were pretty much totally unprepared.  I only knew that I wanted to use the color Blackberry.  The two shades of tan that I thought we had decided on for the trim and other walls basically ended up as variations of the “Townhouse Beige” that adorns every other wall in my house.  Basically, Thursday night was spent staring at a small collection of generally not that wonderful paint chips and hoping they became wonderful…..they didn’t.

Friday morning I pulled up all the baseboards out of the bedroom so that we could apply liquid sandpaper to pull the shine off the surface and make the paint stick.  I googled the internet to try and find a picture of what we used, but couldn’t.  It was a super old container of something Dad had used, so it’s possible the it’s not made anymore.  I thought something magical would happen to the woodwork, like it would get cloudy or bubbly, or something to let you know it was working…..nothing really changed.  They looked cleaner….which make them shinier….which seemed a bit like not at all the point of the project.

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Here’s a picture of the back of the liquid sandpaper can….SO HELPFUL!  Also picture, my excellent painter’s taping skillz and the tools required to remove baseboards.

A trip to Sherwin Williams later, and I had my three colors: Blackberry, Glamour, and Irish Cream.  Yes I know, of course I would pick the color Glamour….it’s not my fault, it’s just want matched my curtain and bed skirt.  In other glorious news…..NONE OF THEM LOOK ANYTHING LIKE TOWNHOME BEIGE! (Sherwin Williams actually makes a color called Townhouse Tan……it made me giggle a lot!)

Friday night I finished taping and we did manage to get a coat of Irish Cream onto the ceiling……it was looking pretty good, until the morning when the splotches showed up.  So Saturday morning was another coat on the bedroom ceiling and one coat on the bathroom ceiling, because we totally forgot that the night before.  I think on Saturday we also primed all the bedroom walls?!  Frankly, it was a lot of days off work, and when I’m not at work I sort of never keep track of the day I’m on.  But, in any case, before the serious painting could begin, everything had to be primed.

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Primer…..makes everything look good.  By good I of course mean like crap.

Saturday night we went to Menards to scope trim options.  We of course left with no trim…..because that’s how we roll, but I did get a new chandelier for the living room.  ONE MORE UGLY BOOB LIGHT GONE!  “Boob lights” is just a better name for those stupid flush mount ceiling half orb light thinkers……I saw it on another DIY blog and it make me giggle!

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“For the glamorous….oh the flossy, flossy!”–Fergie

I hung the new chandelier, finished some random odds and ends, and got some other new lights ready for installation while Momma worked on painting the trim.  I’m not a great painter….honestly I’ve never really tried.  But, Momma found cute little mini handled paint brushes she wanted to try at Home Depot, so she edged out all the trim we had left up…..so the doors (there are a lot of doors in my bedroom honestly) and the window.  After that was all said and done, we started the first of two coats on the bedroom walls.

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THE BIRDCAGE!! It was already darkish, but it had some speckles I didn’t like so it got sprayed down dark.

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New vanity light….It was oil rubbed bronze. Sometimes, spray paint is all you need!

NEXT CAME THE GLAMOUR!

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The colors I picked are oddly hard to capture in a good picture. Glamour is a warm pinky/plum/beigey neutral. Also, the Irish Cream isn’t that yellow in person, it’s just a nice off white cream.

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The square of primer is where the Blackberry went in the bedroom.

Monday we got two coats of blackberry done in the bathroom, and three coats on the bedroom’s accent wall.  It was slightly traumatic because it was definitely harder to get the dark color to look good.  The first coat of Blackberry looked absolutely horrible…..like horrible pink primer.  Maybe it was our technique, maybe we had the wrong kind of roller, maybe that’s just how dark paint is…..idk but it wasn’t super reassuring.

Sunday night, Monday night, and Tuesday night were mostly spent getting odds and ends done and the rooms put back together.  Mom didn’t have to work until Wednesday, so she stayed Tuesday while I went to work so that we could do the last coat of Blackberry in the bathroom after work.

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If you’re in need of custom curtains, you can try contacting Momma Mishappenings…..it’s always worked for me!

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The bathroom is the most “finished” looking of either room.  Partly that’s because we trimmed out the whole ceiling, so it just looks more finished then the bedroom currently does.  The plan is to install crown molding at the ceiling so that it won’t matter that we didn’t paint all the way to the ceiling.  If we decide that’s too much, it’s just paint and I can go back over the things we aren’t going to cover with molding.  I’m liking my new little dark fancy bathroom.  Like every bathroom I’m ever in in the future is probably going to need to be this color!  I did however get some Blackberry on my toilet….I should maybe work on getting that scrubbed off….oopsy!

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In case you’re wondering where Scout was during all of this, she was her regularly clingy self.  Friday night I slept out on the couch, and I thought Scout might like a little Mommy and Me sleep over time.  I was wrong, I woke up and she was sleeping on the drop cloth.  Riddle me how or why laying on the drop cloth is better than the carpet?!  She didn’t seem to care and spent most of the weekend being firmly committed to her new found love of drop clothes.  Also, wedging herself into places she doesn’t really fit and being sorta generally under foot were additional favorite weekend activities.

There is still a lot of project to go:

  • The accent wall needs stenciling, a huge frame, and accent lighting
  • The window and doors all need additional trim to amp them up a bit
  • The baseboards need to be beefed up….although this will probably be the easiest of all the projects.  We can’t start it until we figure out how much we are expanding the door trims
  • The bedroom needs crown molding
  • I’d like to maybe build some sort of valance to go over the top of the curtain to cover up the raw edges.  It used to be mounted flush to the ceiling so it didn’t matter, but my bedroom now as higher ceilings.

Of course it’s a huge to do list still, and projects might change or get dropped.  Like I said, if we decide not to do things its just going to take some more time with a paint brush to finish off some of the areas we left unfinished but plan to cover with molding and trim.  Beyond those projects, I still have an antique door to turn into an mirror and a bedside table that now desperately needs to be refinished.

Home ownership…..the never ending to do list!

 

A Weekend in the West

I made a quick trip out to the Black Hills this weekend. The original plan was to bring the Main Squeeze so that he could meet my West River people, but he had a family commitment and had to stay home.   So, I got a girl’s weekend all to myself with my Lil B complete with shopping, brunch, day drinking, and new hair!!

First things first, I got to town and got to spend several hours with my hair stylist at High Maintenance salon with enough tin foil in my head to channel alien life forms!  I love getting my hair done in Rapid because I’ve been going to see the owner of HM since I was in college. She knows my hair, and she never fails to deliver amazingness.

I tend to have hair style ADHD, but she always can narrow in and find something gives me a change and a boost without being crazy and out of control.

I mean…..saying that I was a bit all over the place this time is maybe an understatement. This is why, if you’re like me, you need a stylist who can wade through all the random ideas and crap you throw at her.

I am now blonde for the summer, with a cute little shadow root so that it grows out nicely. Because let’s be real, despite the fact that the salon I’m ride or die for is called High Maintenance, I’m really pretty low maintenance about keeping my hair in its tippy top condition. I mean, you all read the blog and now I haven’t been out to get my hair done since November. That level of commitment isn’t conducive to fun fashion colors, crazy undercuts, and all the other random things I think I need.

(As I’m writing this though, my hair has possibly become more dry shampoo than hair, and I’m wondering if I can pull it together for brunch in a couple hours without looking like a total slime ball…….hmmm. Well, the blonde does always look less greasy than dark brunette, so I’ve atleast got that going in my favor!!!)

I arrived at Lil B’s cute new house, and we of course proceeded to start drinking……that’s how you make the best plans after all.  I hadn’t eaten, so we eventually decided that we needed to get food.  While Lewie’s is my go to option when I’m in Lead, Friday nights are trivia nights, and we decided it would be too busy.  So, we went somewhere new, The Roundhouse!  Well, it’s not really new at all since it’s an old train building that’s been converted into a gorgeously fancy restaurant, but I had never been there before.

We got to sit in private old rail car, Lil B had prosciutto stuffed duck breast, and I got to drink wine out of what was quite possible the largest wine glass in existence!! I desperately need a set of these glasses for my home life so that I can wander around sipping cheap wine…..in sweat pants…..with my dog while still feeling fancy as fuck!

Honestly, it was like staring into a crystal ball and finding out your future was going to come up wine. That kids, is a future I can be all about!!

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Look deep into the orb, and see your future!  Hint…..it’s Malbec!

We stopped at the dive bar on the way home but it was dead and we were exploding with food so we came home and passed out talking in the living room. Nothing screams classy like two grown women waking up in a living room.

Saturday morning started as all mornings should with coffee, eggs, and bitching with your bestie about how much you just hate all the random things!  The bitching got better when we decided that 11am was an acceptable time to start drinking…..so I whipped up a pitcher of cheap champagne with the addition of a raspberry lambic.  It’s a fun sorta spin on a mimosa only with the added benefit of not diluting your booze with juice!

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I’m not sure how people drink this as it is, because it’s really thick and tastes essentially like raspberry syrup. They make other flavors, so if raspberry isn’t your thing you can still rock out any of the flavors with a bottle of the cheapest champagne you can find.

We decided that we needed to get out of the house so we got ready and went shopping in Rapid, because let’s be honest……you can shop and bitch…..it’s like a more intense version of power shopping.

Halfway to Rapid we decided that we should also swing through Prairie Berry Winery for some fun and some free samples. Basically, we spent most of the afternoon shopping and cruising the highways of the Black Hills, and frankly that was ok by me!

We shopped for a bit.  I got some new sandals for vacation with the Main Squeeze, and some snacks for the trip down to the winery. The winery was super busy, much more so then the last time I was there with Momm and my sister, but we did eventually squeeze ourselves into the bar for our samples. I have to say I was slightly disappointed by the size of the wine glasses…I guess once you’ve had the best everything else is just sad haha!

We purchased some wine and both somewhat accidentally got signed up for their autoshipments of wine. Oopsy, well I can pick up my wine at their East River location, and more wine never hurt anyone so we will see how this turns out.  See….I need those huge glasses so that I can drink my autoship wine more effectively!!!!

After the winery, we finally hit up Lewie’s so I could get my bacon cheeseburger with jalapeños fix! Once again exploding with food, Lil B and I headed home for some Netflix and a couple drinks. This time though, we did both actually make it through the first show…..the second one, not so much!

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This morning I decided against a shower, but I did throw on a sundress and head back to Rapid for brunch with my favorite Russian and her new hubby!  It was delicious, amazeballs, and so good to see them again.  I feel like I just don’t get enough of these people that I got so used to seeing everyday in college.  The whole situation was so nice that I totally forgot to grab my credit card after I paid.  Luckily, I discovered the problem when I arrived at Philly Ted’s for my quota of cheesesteaks to bring home and freeze.  A quick trip back to Tally’s Silver Spoon got me my credit card back, and I was ready to hit the road home.

All in all, it was an amazing trip, and I can’t wait till I can find a weekend to head back, and hopefully bring the Main Squeeze along.  Now kids, I’m home….and it’s time to wash my hair!

 

Trying to Think Happy Thoughts

I’m not sure why, but lately I’ve been feeling very squishy and down on myself.  Usually, I’m pretty confident about myself and the work I put into looking and feeling the way I do.  One of my first posts ever  was about appreciating the body I have!!  UGH….  Lately though, I’m not sure if I’m regressing, or just not making the gains in strength I feel like I should……but I’m feeling super blob-tastic.

 

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This is a Heffalump……I’ve really been feeling lately like I’m one with the Heffalumps.  Plus side, at least Heffalumps are adorable!

 

I almost feel like I had a better relationship with my body and the way I looked BEFORE I started working out and focusing on cleaning up my diet and lifestyle.  I used to be really proud of my “non thigh gap” thighs and my cute “I used to be a ballerina” butt.  These ads used to make me feel like it was ok not to be stick thin, but lately they just haven’t had the same effect.

 

….now I just feel like the time and effort is all for nothing.

I have never….ever……in my whole life……at my squishiest…..had any qualms about jumping into a bikini and chilling by the pool or on the beach.  Now, with a vacation scheduled with the Main Squeeze in July, I suddenly feel like I need to eat carrot sticks, celery, and water until we leave.  It’s all totally ridiculous, and I know that.  I just can’t shake the feeling that I’m not looking my best.  Also, the more I think about these things, plan meals, schedule workouts, and generally bust ass trying to get my ass rounder, my stomach flatter, and my arms buffer……the worse I feel!

I ordered a new swim suit for the vaca, and it was just a total let down.  Probably due to the fact that bikinis look much better with a tan….which the SoDak winter doesn’t really allow anyone to have.  Also, I had been feeling like I was looking really good, until I realized that my butt doesn’t look like an Angel’s butt.  I felt like I had been living with delusions of skinniness, and they all came crashing down.  In my brain I was quite sure that my butt looked just like theirs, until I turned around and saw it in the mirror.

So, this is my new plan.  I’m going to chalk my March mind set up to a late onset case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, and start fresh in April!  I’m gonna focus more on making myself feel better, and get back to being confident in myself.   Being me is pretty awesome.  Look at all the things my body has and will continue do for me!!

I can make my body do all sorts of things that some people only wish they could do.  I need to learn to be more grateful for my body….which includes it’s flaws.

When all else fails, sometimes it’s nice to look back at old pics.  It’s nice to see how far you’ve come.  I find it especially helpful, because it reminds me that I’ve always been comfortable and confident in my own skin, and nothing, not even being pasty white in a bikini, should change that.

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Florida 2011….my at my squishiest

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New Years Eve 2012 with the BFF…..and Spanx

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Halloween 2014….same dress, no Spanx

 

To start April off on a good note, I got to spend the weekend with my Main Squeeze, some bull riding, and homemade pizza night.  Ringing in the month with dinner with Momma and the Squeeze and a couple PBRs guilt free felt like a really good start to getting back to my old self!